Friday, January 30, 2009

Franklin Pierce University, Rindge, N.H


…Walking across the frozen lake and meeting new friends on the ice, getting a bloody nose boxing secretly with gloves in a back room, seeing Simon again after so long, watching deer scurry through the field above the school and geese meander across its wide lawns, sharing a moment of honest conversation with good friends, struggling to get an A in class…

These are things I remember now about Franklin Pierce, looking back from yesterday to the first time I walked onto campus as a student, months ago. When I am greying and aged, I wonder what I shall remember about this university. Will I idolize the good times and expand them so that they cover all, the memories like a think blanket of snow lying over a slum? Shall I dwell constantly on the dark, seeing only monotony, boredom and stress?

I hope not…

I hope that I have the good fortune to remember both, to balance this grand experience in my mind and examine it for both the positive and negative. I would like to look back and see with clarity, recall the snowstorms that buffeted our tiny community and brought us somehow closer together by necessity, the dear friends who went out of their way to help me, the fights and arguments but also the banter and laughing which are equal parts of this place.

Mostly though, if I could choose what to be able to remember, it is the other students. The good and bad, the perpetually drunk and the always sober, the shambolic and the organized, the hyperactive and the quite boring, they all weave together into a tapestry of balance that lends F.P.U the positive and negative memories I am constantly assailed with even now.

If I could, I would remember their faces…


(Robbie, Daria and Jess)

(Walking On the Frozen Lake with the girls)

(Lauren)


(Daria)

(Pam)

(Cooper)
(Dan)
(Lads)
(Bobert)
(Cooper)
(Trouble)
(University on Ice)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I, Tiger No More (Fiction)

I used to be the talk of this school, once. This may be hard for you to believe, having seen me as I am now, flea-bitten and dusty eyed in my display cabinet that still sits in the great hall, but I can assure you that it is true. Years ago, back when this great pile of towers and minarets was a stately home of the slightly aristocratic the mighty Queen Victoria trampled around the earth with her gunship diplomacy, giving to the natives of captured lands all that is British… Afternoon Tea, Cricket, English … She took in exchange, me…

“Oh, it’s a Tiger” stately women would exclaim upon my arrival in this building, covering their mouths with dainty hands in white gloves, capitalizing my species and giving me undue importance

“How terrifying.”
And indeed I was. My glass eyes were bright then, fiery with a look of malice that I never remember possessing in life; my teeth bared as if I, the stuffed animal in a glass case, would at any moment SPRING to life and with a crash of glass come hurling at those who had slain me. Of course, no such thing happened and soon enough I was regarded as a mere oddity, an expensive bauble that frightened children but left others unperturbed.

This last was deeply ironic, the fact that my countenance provoked such feelings in the pre-pubescent members of the human race only, for one day this house with its graceful ladies and pompous gentlemen became a school. Oh, how I remember being terribly agitated as bags were packed and heavy furniture carted out past my vantage point. Would I be left behind? I asked myself, and as the master of the house closed the doors behind him and left the empty shell of the building for the last time, I realized that the answer was of course, YES.

Much later I remember faces staring at me, some with noses covered in snot, and others pushing bifocals up to their eyes so they could see me better. They were small faces, pink, round and plump with youth and I realized with a pang of discomfort that as I had lain in sullen depression over my family’s departure, many of these small people had arrived to live in their place. As masters in dark robes bustled past to scare the children who had been regarding me with such rapt attention into activity I exulted in this new found fame. I was king of a boarding school.

True, the times have not always been good, but I have guarded my flock with care. As the First World War began I watched the older boys leave for the front, showing off their uniforms to the younger ones, wishing more than anything that I could leave this glass box and journey out with them to France. What a sight that would have been, a majestic tiger bounding at full speed towards the Bosh trenches, dodging artillery and machine gun fire to finally reach those who would hurt my children. What a sight that would have been…
By the time the Second World War ended over twenty five later I was no longer of this simplistic mindset. A plaque they placed next to me gave the body counts from the twin conflicts, many many fine names printed there. OH, how sad I was at their passing. I comforted the smaller boys you know, they would appear late at night in pajamas and press their noses as close to mine as they could, praying that they could be as brave as I appeared. I would try to give them this courage, will my thoughts to reach their brains and make their fears and worries disappear. Perhaps it worked, I would like to think that it did.

My biggest contribution however, was stopping the thief. He came in at night, dressed in black and with a crow-bar forced the door wide open. Armed with an electric torch he looked about the room nervously, searching for objects to steal. Instead the beam of light caught my face and he screamed, terrified at my presence. His shout, though not horribly loud, awakened masters whose ears were ready for such noises from their students. Lights went on and he fled, forced away from the school by me.

Finally, there is the matter of the gift my boys gave me. I remember hearing it for the first time long ago, in the time when all the children wore scratchy gray shorts, scratchy red socks, and a scratchy hat, shirt, tie and blazer. A figure approached me, one of my favorite children, Sam if I remember rightly. He stopped for a second, and looked at me with compassion. He was dressed in a smart black suit and I understood from this that his time was up, that he would be leaving to join the real world.

“Thanks Henry” he whispered, looking straight at me, “Thanks for everything.”
I have a name I realized, and as clarification I began hearing it again and again as more students filed past over the preceding decades. I had become their talisman I realized, but more than that, I had become more loved and respected than any live tiger could hope to have been. I, Tiger no more. Please call me Henry.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Those That Share the Same Road I Do

To write about ones friends is dangerous, for sentimentality often trivializes the feelings they inspire and makes them into mere characters of their former selves. For years I have wanted to portray those closest to me on my blog and indeed I have, though was never quite satisfied with the effort for they never seemed to resonate in print the way they do in life. Out of brutal frustration I have decided that now is not the time, for I am not yet a good enough writer and I should instead allow you to see them in pictures. Through these snapshots they are caught in a brief moment of their lives, alive and vibrant.
They are truly some of the best people I have ever, or will ever know and I am truly blessed to call them my friends.


(Dave)




(Rakan)





(Roy)




(Drew)




(Sean and I)



(O.G Derek)

(Beth and Jade)
The Best Man (Fiction)

The church was even more terrifying for Greg than the airport had been. He stood in the white entrance hall for a second, alone now his taxi driver had dropped him off, heads turning to stare at him. Some of the faces he recognized, others he knew by proxy, still others he had to guess at. Those he knew had aged since he’d been away, most of them badly. The women, most one-time bouncy cheerleaders sneaking a quick cigarette behind the sports hall before practice had become, in the space of barely a decade, worn out husks of their formers self’s, peroxide blondes wearing too much make-up and clothes bought on the cheap. The men had fared as badly, many having obviously stashed their baseball caps in the cabs of the many pick-up trucks waiting outside, their suits shiny and mostly rented from the Mr. Tux in the Regal Mall.
Hey’ he heard someone whisper, a jock he remembered drinking beers with in a dirty basement, ‘No fucking way… Holy shit, that’s G.’
Who’ someone else asked and the Jock replied in a hushed tone, ‘Some kid we went to school with, him and Ethan were really tight. After graduation he bounced, went to Columbia or some shit…One of those countries down there…became a doctor, if you’d believe that…

Greg looked right and left and started walking down the isle, feeling self conscious in his suit, which he’d had tailor-made in a town outside Huehuetenango by a ancient Mayan man with no teeth and skin as wizened as a dried apple, who spat brown tobacco juice onto the ground and shouted throaty commands in Mam at his pretty daughter who would bustle in and out of the room in the thick fabric of her traditional ethnic dress, carrying small bundles of material for Don Gregory to feel between finger and thumb. In the end he had selected a piece of quite good linen that the man had somehow acquired as part of a successful barter over a goat, and a length of silk lining taken from a abandoned suit that the owners cousin had found in the Salvation Army shop in Guatemala City.

The result, Greg and the Mendoza family felt, was positive. He had lived with them for five years as their guest, and eventually adopted son and sibling. The thought of him being dressed up and looking like a “Proper” Gringo had been so exiting that they had all stormed into his room the minute he had returned from the tailor. The family had watched him put it on in the mirror and turn around to show them, just before he left and caught the chicken bus to the airport. Mama had clapped her large calloused hands together with her brood of five following suit, all except Ramon who was up in the highlands with his machete and the goats.

They were an odd combination standing next to the tall white man, Mama and her daughters in their long embroidered, multi-coloured dresses and the sons in their red and white striped pants and heavy collared white overshirts, the traditional belted hats of the village on their heads.
b’á’nxsa’ Mama had said in Mam, repeating the phrase in Spanish as she always did around him, even though his Mam was almost perfect now, ‘Bueno, Bueno’ and Sylvia the oldest daughter had giggled and looked up at him with her large brown eyes,
Tu es Tom Cruise’ she said, ‘James Bond.’

It was common for the Maya to get Hollywood actors and their film muddled up and this joined with the comparison had made Greg roar with laughter, as he realized how much he would miss them all for the week and a half he would be gone. As he turned away, feeling a bit self conscious and blushing she had said a word in Mam he didn’t understand.
Que significa Shíwel?’ he asked, ‘Yo No Comprende.’
Zorro’ Little Alfredo answered, using the Spanish word for fox.
Gracias’ Greg had smiled, tears in the corner of his eye, ‘Gracias

Now Greg walked between rows of people he had less in common with than a family of Mayan Guatemalans who lived with no running water and constant power outages in a harsh land of mountains and tough, backbreaking work. These Americans were, at least in terms of skin colour, his people, but even on that issue there was little similarity. His face was dark and slightly leathery now, from summers spent vaccinating children against polio and dengue in the hills outside of Todo Santos, and a livid scar ran two inches down his right cheek where a machete had caught him by surprise in a drunken bar brawl when he’d first arrived in Guate. Never the less he had aged well due to Mama’s every effort to keep her ‘Doctor’ well fed and nourished in the mornings before he rode his bike down the hill to the clinic, piling beans and corn torteas onto his plate with reckless abandon.

Jesus’ a voice said, cutting him off from his reverie and a familiar figure stood up and rushed in to hug him in an embrace of muscle and relatively expensive cologne,
You actually made it you bastard
Yeh, I said I would’ Greg grinned, pleased but slightly awkward, as he had still not entirely got used to speaking English again.
Let me look at you’ Ethan smiled, stepping back to look at his friend, ‘do you look the part...
After a second he nodded, pleased ‘yeh, you’ll do, for a jungle man. What about me?
Greg looked at his best friend, noting the clean-shaven chin, the still broad shoulders he’d had playing football, the dark blue eyes and crew cut hair just starting to grey around the edges. ‘She’d be crazy to turn you down, I always said that, when you first asked her out in middle school.
Thanks man’ Evan smiled, his manner slightly brushed up from his years working as a car salesman, ‘It means a lot you being here, Cheryl is exited as anything.
And her sister’ Greg asked, slightly dreading the answer, ‘has she forgotten me?
Ha’ his friend laughed, ‘that girl will never forget you. She’s still looking quite good, she’s the maid of honour of course so you’ll see her in a second. She’s mad nervous about seeing you, Cheryl says. Had she not been such a retard and got knocked up by Hal White, I bet she would have stopped being stupid and gone for you in the end.
But she didn’t…
No’ Evan agreed, lowering his voice and whispering in Greg’s ear, ‘But you’re a doctor, in Guatemala man. Think of the shit you do, your one in a million bro, I’ve read your blog and seen the photo’s. Whole villages depend on you to keep them alive and shit, and she’s stuck at home with a drunk for a husband and three kids to look after when she’s not watching daytime t.v. I know your still pissed but you don’t need that shit, and however much I miss you, leaving was the smartest thing you ever did. Now’ he said, straitening up to look around the crowded church,
Now that the best man has arrived I wonder where my damn girlfriend is.’
As if on queue the fat priest appeared and waved at the two men to walk to the side of the alter.

Later, as the organ started and the bride walked in, followed by her sister and the bridesmaids in their pink dresses, he knew with a sharp pang that he could not live in America ever again.
The Colour of Snow

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Franklin Pierce University, Rindge N.H

Looking out of my window I can see the light spread over the pine forests, though the sun is blocked from my view by the concrete monstrosity of the freshman dormitory, a grim soviet-era block more reminiscent of a Russian prison than any facet of an American university. Now my roommate has left I’ve shifted my bed to the window and look out at the dirty snow and the sliver of timeless pines, not a gorgeous view by any means but one that has everything I need. I’ve got my computer up and I’m typing, a must since I transferred my major to creative writing, endless half-finished stories already cluttering up my memory barely a week into the semester.

This new development means I am constantly busy, but the material it generates is enough that I can transfer my better and more interesting material straight to Student at Large on a regular basis. Coupled with the fact that I have been using my new digital SLR for more than taking pictures of drunk frat parties, this means I may actually be able to be consistent about updating the blog, though this is not the first time I’ve said that…

So, from now on Student and Large will have more varied segments. When I need to write about something I will, but fiction and creative non-fiction as well as some better shots will be integrated and I’d be grateful for any comment.

-Tom